The problem isn't dating apps, algorithmic feeds, fast fashion, or single-use plastics. They are mere symptoms of an underlying sickness infecting us all. The same forces that created those things have already shaped you. Can you live in a culture of capitalism without being profoundly shaped by it? Without having your very heart and mind commodified?
We can delete the apps (or never have used them) and still have the same commodified ways of thinking and relating that produced them. Ours is a culture prioritizing convenience, disposability, zero attention spans, and cheap dopamine hits. Is it surprising then that we date like day traders? Buying and selling penny stock relationships, while lamenting the lasting bonds our parents invested in. Our attention spans have been strip-mined to maximize corporate profit. We cannot sit with discomfort for even a moment without frantically seeking distraction. Why believe in repairing a relationship when you can simply discard it like last season's bag?
We've devoured the toxic teachings of online influencers peddling sociopathic self-obsession – that we don't owe anyone anything. We gobble it up greedily because it sanctions our worst impulses. But you don't exist in a vacuum. You live in a society, and you do owe things to people - it's the covenant of being part of a community.
We fall in love with surfaces, aesthetics, mere stories, a million little meaningless things – not the human beings behind them. We're unable to recognize the one thing that actually matters because all we've ever known are those little hollow things. We don't know ourselves deeply enough to identify and cherish what's truly important when we find it. What actually matters, beneath all these manufactured wants? To decommodify our hearts is to undertake the difficult work of unlearning all these "values" that have colonized our psyches. We must relearn presence, discomfort, commitment. Only then can we open our hearts to what's real and lasting.
It won't be easy. I'm still stumbling along, unlearning habits etched into me by a ruthlessly effective culture of commodification (that I helped perpetuate). Here are some things I've found helpful in decommodifying my own heart: Listening to The Emerald podcast. Learning from indigenous teachers. Spending time with elders. Sitting in ceremony. Jungian analysis. Conversations with friends dedicated to self-exploration. If you decide to take this journey, know that there are others with you.
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